My mare & I were one for a very long time.

Integral, she was the whole of half my life. I’ve no historical "something" to point others toward in order that they might grasp her significance, or where the reader could say "Ah, yes I understand now" -

Every horse owner dreads the inevitable finality of saying goodbye.

Mine was unexpected even though we'd already shared almost twenty five years together. She was happy, healthy & well in herself - I felt we had a few more years yet. We manage our horses' welfare in minute loving detail - condition, feet, feed, forage, grazing, exercise, mental wellbeing & yet we still worry ourselves awake at night!

~ But no matter what we do, we are never, ever ready to let them go.

I was never the rider I wanted to be or that her talent deserved but she - well, she really was the horse with everything. Breeding, talent, looks & intelligence (she was a Trakehner after all) & being her human kept me kicking through every dark gulp for the whole of my everything. She was my lifeline.

All my life I've passionately admired art in it's multitude forms & to me, she was moving art. I kept promising myself from one year's graft to the next, that I'd buy myself a decent camera & take a gazillion photographs of her to share with others - so that they might see her as I did.

Finally I bought my camera - but there was always tomorrow - today was for work & other responsibilities.
I wish with my whole heart I could change that now - but it's too late.

Following her death, I needed a purpose - a mechanism to swallow my grief & guilt - guilt that I hadn't offorded her the limelight she was due. A month later I decided to take my new, grief sodden camera & zero photography skills on the road in a free project I called "Scotland’s Horses".

My aim was to capture the expressions of other much loved horses & to give something which might one day bring solace to other owners - through the darkness of their own inevitable goodbye.

On December 1st 2017 I held an exhibition - sixty-two photographs, each lovingly edited - hung on fine wire & lit by globe lights around the walls of her stable. I felt a cathartic peace seeing these beautiful faces that I'd known only for a moment, gazing back at me.

Her stable was full of happy once more.

I wanted to create a high end book of the project photos - something special where my mare would grace the last page. Sadly as the project evolved the realisation dawned that I simply didn't have the finances & the book stalled - so for now I'll continue to do my best by shooting in the dark & recovering the light.